Only a MAN would attempt this.

[JulesAZ]

Found this on ZX forums ... HAD to share it ... I laughed so hard I cried...

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS!!

Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.....??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . .
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!?!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room..
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
P.S..... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!

[acalliste]

Yup... men always have to experience things for themselves.

[RiverRoadWarrior]

[bumblebee]

I got tazed when I went through the Leon County Citizens' Police Academy...it hurt...but I didn't wet myself like a couple of other people in my class did...

[Alawicious]

Thanks Jules I needed that. Now I'm going to find something to dry my eyes

[acalliste]

Originally Posted by RiverRoadWarrior

You are gonna wear out that smilie.

[not2slow]

I have a 150000 volt tazer I purchased over 10 years ago. The reason why is not important but I will say in a moments notice it will put the "offender" on the floor lol.

[MeinGlänzendMotorrad]

Nobody cares why.

And that's what it's supposed to do.

[ghostrider_9]

I got tazed with a police style dart tazer several years ago during a crowd suppression course (don't ask). Needless to say it was a life changing experience. I had a brief thought (right before getting shot with the darts) that I would simply pull them out of it hurt too much. This is one of those things that sounds good in theory, but has absolutely no relevance in practical application. I also think that the current flowing though my body accelerated gravity, cause the ground hit me quickly! As I was flopping around uncontrollably, I vaguely remember thinking that even if I tried, there is no way that I could reach the darts. As I started to get up, the instructor demonstrated how easy it is to send a second burst . . . instantly, I succumbed to the massive gravity that attacked my body . . . again! This time, I actually thought that I tore my ab muscles during the ensuing convulsions. Once he stopped, with great concerted effort, I immediately ripped the darts from my stomach. After which I just laid there for a very long time wondering what in the hell I was thinking allowing someone to do this to me.

To bring this ugly story to a close, I have a very profound respect for tazers. They are not anything to laugh about. While I can see how someone who has never been on the working end of one might be suspicious of the tazer's ability, let me assure you, it will only take a split second to change your views.

For Chuckie - my troops got a kick out of it.

[acalliste]

Poor Marc!

Wish I could have seen that.