The difference between men and women

[Joe]

The Difference between Men and Women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good
time.
A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy
themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a
while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.


Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to
Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you
realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly
six months?"

There is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to
herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe
he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying
to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn't want, or isn't
sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind
of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space,
so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep
going the way we are, moving steadily toward....I mean, where are we going?
Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of
intimacy?
Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime
together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even
know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So that means it was...let's see...February
when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the
dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer....Whoa!! I am
way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe
I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our
relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has
sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations.
Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything
about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the
transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still
not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold
weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and
this thing is shifting like a damn garbage truck, and I paid those
incompetent thieves $600!

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be
angry, too. I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can't
help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day
warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for
a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting
right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a
person I truly do care about, a person who seems truly to care about
me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl
romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give
them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up
their....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes
beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have....Oh, God,
I feel so...."

(She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight.
really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no
horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer.

"It's just that....It's that I....I need some time," Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he
can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with
one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes," he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

"Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing
him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially
if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted,
tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to
his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and
immediately
becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two
Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses
of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in
the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever
understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about
it.
(This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two
of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight
hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said
and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring
every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning,
considering every possible ramification. They will continue to
discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching
any
definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual
friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown,
and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?

[acalliste]

Yeah.... that's about how it is....





....Unless Elaine had a sportbike. Then she would have gone for a long ride the next day and forgot everything that happened in that stupid cage.

[LaurenOE]

Originally Posted by acalliste

Yeah.... that's about how it is....





....Unless Elaine had a sportbike. Then she would have gone for a long ride the next day and forgot everything that happened in that stupid cage.

Yep.

[Whymista]

That was greatness

[NeedinJustice]

That truly is about right! Stupid over-analyzing everything. Guilty!

[not2slow]

That is the most truth I have EVER read in my life!!!!

[RiverRoadWarrior]

[OldSchlPunk]

Spot on.

[Whymista]

I feel I identify with the woman

[not2slow]

Originally Posted by Whymista

I feel I identify with the woman

No surprise there