Life cycles....

[GreyWolf]

My cousin, Drew
A short homily to one I admired

My mother just called from the family cabin in Marquette with some rather somber news. I missed the phone call as is wont with timing when there is a three hour difference in time zones between us right now as she takes her annual extended vacation to Upper Michigan. Me, being outside in the home vineyard in California and she, being inside on probably a starry night in the northern hemisphere within the warm confines of camp, missed connections. It wasn’t the best of news left on the phone machine, yet it was somewhat welcomed news in a sense that is, I must admit, awkward to acknowledge.

You see, my cousin, Drew, a person whom I have always admired and had a great sense of pride in what he did in his life ever since childhood, passed away. Drew had been battling cancer for some time and had always seemingly prevailed. The last bout put him in the hospital where he finally lost the battle with this dreadful disease and finally, peacefully, passed away. I had just heard of him being admitted probably a week prior from my mother who had just finished talking with his father, my uncle (who had just a year earlier lost his own sweet wife, my mother’s sister). News travels fast within the small group of our clan. There aren’t that many of us really and we seem to like to stay in touch, connect once in awhile, albeit infrequently. We all care greatly for each other and this probably from the days of our early childhoods camping, traveling, boating, and swimming together. As a clan of families. A group of amazing people all transcended from a enormity of culture and history, marrying into and with people who were just as amazing, if not more so in certain instances. We were people of substance. Backbone. Stubborn. Can’t take no for an answer. We- this clan of ours- were capable people. Smart people. Intuitive. Thoughtful. Loving.

As I sit here, at my desk afterhours, I have had many feelings since that voice message on our home phone. I tried to call my wife, Colleen, who is tending her own dear old mother who is 92 now, and I could hardly tell her the news that my cousin Drew had succumbed without a choke in my voice and a small stumble on my ever softening words. She asked if I was alright. I said I wasn’t, but I’ll be okay. She said “hang tight” and I, knowing that Drew was the one instrumental in having the neighbor in their old home town put “Hang Ten”(a surfing term) on my boot cast many, many moons ago when I was a small lad, said I would. And I have been. Except when I cast my eye out the backyard and see an abundance of wild life- Red Tail Hawks flying lazy circles looking for game, Crows scavenging everything else, Killdeers who were born in our very own vineyard in nests which took a trained eye to find, Robins with their smart red breasts, and our own one lone Meadowlark who has finally made it back to serenade us both at alpine glow and at dawn while we lay in bed awakening to this incredible display of raw nature. It is that raw nature that I want to bring up. I felt, and I may be completely wrong on this, that Drew came from the “raw” side of our family. He, to me, was probably the true outdoors person. Anyone who builds their own surfboard in a garage, molding the Styrofoam, adding the glass and smoothing it all down by just “learning” at a very tender young age, is a hero in my book. To go on from there in the San Joaquin Valley of California to the coast that was just west of them to the Baja California coastline surfing any break that looked good for a ride. “Liquid Asphalt” is a term I heard recently from an aged surfer family friend we’ve known for years with his own eyes glassed over imagining the curl, the rip, the fall down the face of the wave. Speed. Freedom. Water (warm, of course, was preferred!). This was a sport he could sink his teeth into and did with a vengeance, ultimately winning him a ticket on a plane to surfers heaven, Hawaii.

Hawaii. A land I know nothing about other than what people who have visited have told me or I have read in travel magazines or history books, but it is a sense of Drew’s personality that tells me of this place. I can sense what he must have felt upon coming into paradise. Colleen and I have felt the very same in our travels to other tropical islands and knowing this has always helped with coping for not traveling to see my cousin’s family. Sounds kinda weird, huh? This whole “coping” thing. But I honestly knew that Drew was having fun from what other people who had visited told me so much so that I felt I was there. In Paradise. The Tropics. The dude started his own construction company, married an incredible strong beautiful lady and had two amazing children, who I have heard nothing but amazing words describing them all and pride in what each is doing from the many people who have been fortunate to meet them. I hear amazing tales of lush foliage, climbs to tops of volcano’s, snorkeling in crystal clear blue water and a rainbow display of tropical fish, which all brings me back to that I had a great sense that Drew was having the time of his life. I would too, having that unique gift of his. The gift of “Can do”. Stubborn. Can’t take no for an answer. Thoughtful. Loving. The Clan bloodline.

He, of all of us, I think looked most like our grandfather- a man himself with that determined look, and who had that same glint of mischievousness in his eyes. Drew had not so much a look of wanderlust behind those dark liquid pearl pools set squarely in his handsome head, but a look of a lust for life. A prankster from what I remembered. A glint of a smile, a touch in his voice hinting at laughter, not so much as at you, but with you. A kind soul.

It draws late here. I’ve been at this for a couple of hours now, searching for words, thoughts and how to put them down on paper. Trying to remember all those wonderful times that I had and was able to share with my cousin Drew and trying to get them on paper before I forget. The two quarter horses they had in Hanford. The way he just took charge and got them to be friendly while we sat upon them, traveling the access roads through row crops and almond trees and eventually returned whereupon he would take off all the tack, wipe the horses down and feed them. What a highlight for me being somewhat of a city kid and I enjoyed it immensely although I probably never told anyone, even after all these years. Or of Drew playing with this humongous black curly haired sheep dog of dubious descent, getting that dog all riled up and playing around like they were both little kids. Yeah, he was pretty cool. Always thought that and still do. Nice guy. Smart guy. Loving guy. I’ll remember him that’s for sure. In all the ways that meant much to me over many, many years.

I hope his family are doing okay. Can’t be easy. They’ve been on a rocky road for some years with all this so I sense they knew, but that they gave of themselves to their father and husband during all of this terrible time in loving support is something incredibly wonderful. I wish them good fortune in the years ahead as they get through this. For the family, my heart and my soul feel the enormity, depth, and weight for which you are going through. I wish each and every one of them the strength to hang onto remembering their brother for the great person he was. To my uncle, I give my heartfelt condolences. Feel your family around you. Feel the support and love coming from them as you all pull together.

But now, I’m at a loss to say more of which I have already said to describe what I already truly feel.

Drew- Love ya, mon!


June 13, 2011
Adobe Gulch Vineyard

[Alawicious]

My sincerest condolences to you and the family

Your write up is beyond words. Well done sir

[GreyWolf]

Thanks. It's the third family member within a year. My stepfather, my aunt and now my cousin. Live life. Love. And give away free hugs!! Life is way, way, too short......

[Alawicious]

Those we've lost will live forever through our stories and memories

[blurr]

RIP, nice write up.

Been with ya on the losses, Dog, step father, brother in laws father, sis dog, Dad, bro in law in just over a year.

[Electrical_Tech]

Well written GW. Hang tough pardner!

[mariposa]

GW, I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin and your other recent losses. What amazing words and beautiful tribute you wrote to Drew and all your "clan." It sounds like your have a phenomenal family and I'm so sure Drew (and all others) felt truly loved and valued! What a gift in life and it sounds like your cousin lived every minute of it! I pray for comfort and peace for you and all the clan and joy in all those lovely memories.